Humour

“This isn’t what I signed up for at all. No damn way!” An idle Wednesday afternoon, with nothing but a laze by the pool scheduled, had become a complete nightmare. She was a lingerie model, he a llama, and the chase was on. The agency called just after lunch and begged her to fill in for Maria, who couldn’t make the shoot. Again! How that lazy sod expected to succeed in the modelling trade was a mystery. Yeah, she’d the looks and the build, but her attitude sucked. So Ginny was standing in again, wearing lingerie and trying to catch a bloody llama! ...

A dozen pairs of gleaming eyes reflected the beam of my torch as I swept around the cellar. Their feral brightness startled me and the hairs on my neck bristled. “Rats!” “So what if we are?” a high pitched voice squealed in challenge. I inhaled sharply. “Rats can’t talk,” I muttered as I peered along the beam. “Who’s there?” “They can too talk,” a second voice squeaked back. I gasped again and paused and re-evaluated my earlier statement. My long held beliefs on the nature of things had just been dramatically shaken and I could recall nothing from the training manual that would have prepared me for this. ...

I stood at the top of the gentle incline and studied the grazing herd. I had been tracking them for several days and was now tired and very hungry. My furs were damp and muddy, leaving me feeling cold and uncomfortable. “Well, here goes nothing.” I raised my club above my head. Then I screamed as loudly as I could and launched myself down the slope. The club began to whistle as I whirled it through the air. ...

I looked down from my tree and saw a large, furry animal feeding upon the remains of a smaller but equally furry animal. At first I felt sickened but quickly mastered the urge. “Nature must run it’s course,” I declared. “Cobblers!” the green and red parakeet I shared my perch with exclaimed. Silence enveloped us once more and we watched the red sun sink slowly beyond the distant horizon. “Night,” said I, once twilight had come and gone. “At last.” Perhaps, I thought on, it will get cooler now. ...